Have you ever been frustrated when you’re forced to tackle obstacles you need to break through before you can eat a piece of food? If that question made me sound like a crazy person, at least let me try and explain what I’m talking about. Basically things that have shells, peels, bones, and seeds. Things that aren’t “ready to eat” in a sense. Now I get it, some of these annoying traits have been developed through years of evolution to discourage animals from eating these things as a way of protection. But cmon, aren’t certain foods being genetically shaped all over the world these days?
Of course I can’t just expect the chicken to stop growing bones in its thighs, but a girl can still dream. While I do have some knowledge of science in the old thinker, I can say for certain that everything written in this post is entirely constructed from opinion and if I did research the reasonings as to why my demands are impossible, I would have nothing to complain about. So let this just be a little universal rant because we all love food.
So we’re gonna first look at the lychee. Not only does it have a prickly tough skin that you have to either bite off or stab at with your fingernails, it also has a seed. Can that thing be any more annoying to eat? I rarely ever go to the trouble of eating them despite the fact that lychees taste amazing. Pineapples are also a pain. This is a completely different subject but bloody hell, why are we eating fruits with enzymes that can literally make our mouths bleed from eating too much of it? I do miss the 20c frozen slices of pineapples we could buy back in my primary school though. Those were the bomb.
Bananas have those bitter strands that I carefully take away with the peel on days I’m feeling extra particular. And the dried black tip that crumbles and sticks to your hand as you hold it. Hold on, do those red wax bananas help prevent this problem? Oh my god, I need to go grocery shopping ASAP because this is a game changer.
I genuinely don’t bother eating crab or lobster or prawns most of the time because I don’t like using my hands and spitting out shells. Which is a shame, because they’re delicious and fairly expensive foods. Mussels: okay, opening the shell isn’t the worst thing in the world. But that little bit that gets left behind as you take out the main bit – I already get shivers imagining my teeth or a fork scraping the shell as I futilely try and not be wasteful.
I’m just grateful we have seedless watermelons and grapes available. Although I’d love it if someone could remove the seeds from capsicums (bell peppers), mandarins (clementines), and cherries (no USA translation needed here). Probably not going to happen but it would be nice, wouldn’t it?
If only every food out there was as easy to eat as a small, perfectly bite-sized grape.
Wait no, this one wasn’t seedless. God damn it.
This post was inspired by my lovely friend Rachel, who feels just as strongly about this topic as I do and suggested I write up something about it. Yes, we’re just joking around and I’m not usually quite this lame. Anyway, go check out her Youtube channel!