I’m a fairly private person. I don’t generally choose to share information unless asked because I don’t like people knowing too much about me. I also have an uncommon full name so it’s not like I can hide amongst everyone else. Even then, I still can’t get just my name as my email address. How unfair.
This part of my personality could also have to do with me not having the best self-esteem and feeling like who I am is not important enough to share with others. Why would anyone want to know more about me? I can’t pretend like thoughts similar to that don’t constantly float around my head like a heavy cloud of insecurity. Back when I had a personal blog when I was younger, I would spend many nights writing about my daily observations and stresses. They were very much the angsty teen ramblings our About Us page refers to and they’re a genuine and unfiltered part of my history. I don’t regret the hours wasted on good ol’ WordPress as it gave me the outlet to express being a misunderstood teenager struggling to fit in this world. I was a special snowflake of course. But my blog wasn’t public to the internet. It was on private.
Those thoughts were written down because I needed a way for me to express myself and rant and cry over and just have everything in black and white. It gave me a space to reflect on my thoughts and then dissect certain things as I tried to make sense of other people’s actions and words. A part of me wanted others to read my blog because I tentatively sought pity and understanding but the other part of me was terrified of anyone finding out the link because I didn’t want my overdramatic thoughts read by anyone I know. It was also something that I could return to periodically, to reread passages about specific situations I wanted to relive. But that’s in the past now and these days I’m trying to live in the present.
There are those people that take photos of what they do every single day and upload them to Instagram. And those that write about where they’re heading to and post it on Twitter. Those that always have their phone up and recording what they see in front of them and Snapchat it to others. Or those that type giant paragraphs of inside jokes or personal anecdotes and post on it on Facebook.
Well I’m not really one of those people. With the possible exception to Instagram. But that’s mainly because I like photography and trying to get shots of pretty things. It may sound like I’m judging those kind of people but believe me, I don’t want it to seem that way. I just find it hard to wrap my head around that sort of lifestyle and I don’t know how people ever so freely share details about their personal life online. So my feelings on this subject are likely a mixture of slight paranoia and insecurity – obviously a great combination.
I guess I’m saying I envy those who don’t think twice about what they share online. They do it just because they want to share their excitement about events and birthdays. Or show the world how they feel about someone. It’s nice in a way. And maybe one day when I have more confidence in myself, I’ll open up more.